You've Got Not Blackmail

Everyone wishes they were in a James Bond series at some point. Few of us actually live like we are. Life is full of surprises, like surprise email for example. I got this random email from some bored person who wanted nothing more than to successfully creep someone out with their creativity. This not-blackmail is by far the best attempt-to-make-a-profit-email that I've ever received. Copied and pasted for your viewing pleasure down below. Aren't you so excited?

On Mon, Mar 26, 2012 at 11:01 AM, Zack Zack wrote:

"This is the only way I could contact you for now, I want you to be very careful about this and keep this as a secret with you until I make out time for us to see. You have no need of knowing who I am or where I came from. I know this may sound very surprising to you. I have been paid some ransom in advance to end your life for some reasons by my employer. I have been provided with some information of yours: 

You’re Name: Ellen Renae Bonsteel

Where you can be found: 

Phone Number: 

Picture: Not to display

it is someone I believe you call a friend who must have done this. I have followed you closely for a while now and have seen that you are innocent of the accusations he leveled against you .Do not contact the police or try to send a copy of this message to them, because if you do so I will know and I might be pushed to do what I have been paid to do. Besides, this is the first time I turn out to be a betrayer in my own job. I took pity on you, that is why I have made up my mind to help you if you are willing to help yourself.

Meanwhile, I will arrange for us to see in person, but before that I need $12,000 to pay off cover. I will come to your house or you can arrange where we can meet. I repeat, do not arrange for the cops it might be the worst ever in your life. Do not set any camera to cover us or set up any tape to record our conversation; my employer is in my control now. Payment details will be provided for you to make a part payment of $5000 which will serve as guarantee that you are ready to co-operate, then I will post a copy of the video tape that contains his request for me to extinguish your life which will be enough evidence for you to take any legal action against him before he employs another person for the job. You will pay the balance of $7000 once you receive the tape.

Warning; do not contact the police, make sure you stay indoors once it is 7.30 pm until this issue is resolved, if you neglect any of these warming, you will have yourself to blame. You do not have much time, so get back to me immediately

Note: I will advise you keep this to yourself alone, not even a friend or a family member should know about it because it could be one of them… trust no one not even your co-worker.<>zack3244@gmail.com

ZACK."

Something tells me Zack is as skilled in the art of assassination as he is in grammar.
If you'll excuse me now, I should go write up my will.