Perfection and Practicality

Over the past week a large percentage of my free time has been dedicated to developing a fictional story I have been conjuring up for a few years now. I haven’t written any content other than notes and ideas for outlines. It has been more of a process of hashing out the details in the characters' development and basics of the plot.

I have found myself debating how I ultimately want to present these ideas, whether through traditional written format or a drawn comic. I figure I enjoy and am decent at both arts, but not fantastic at either- Jack of all trades and the master of none, so to speak. Either method would require a great investment of time and either would produce the same outcome, the reward of satisfaction from completing something I want to do.

Herein lies the root of my conundrum.

If I choose to draw the story, I feel compelled to take more art classes first, to get more consistent before actually starting. I also have in my mind the debate rather to write it out. Written works appear to have more potential to reach a larger audience as comics are sometimes perceived inferior- or more childish. However, in order to write it, I would need more confidence in my ability to describe the events and plot in such a way that it kept the reader’s interest.

It seems it is my indecisive nature and preconceived notions that are the cause of my “conundrum”. We should call them indecinumdrums(1). This isn’t a surprise. I am the creator of all sorts of indecinumdrums. The next best step is likely to simply disregard what I may think about my ideas and just start hacking away. After all, as I always need to remind myself, no one can really ever become an expert until they actually try something that they lack mastery of in the first place.

Look at me reasoning out my internal battles. I think the green side is winning this time.

Green means go.

Renaeoinary:

(1) Indecinumdrums: A problem conceived from a lack of belief in one's self or abilities coupled with the inability to make a choice.

Children and Valentines

Three layers of pants- two pairs of long johns and a pair of nylons, all underneath a skirt I have found are quite bite-proof. At least from the mouth of a 3 year-old. He stood there and gnawed at my thigh in vain for ten seconds until he gave up, leaving nothing but a wet area of slobber on my already spotty skirt. I'd say I won that battle. Actually, in the case of this child, I have won every battle. He has not yet once successfully bit me, kicked me, or hit me. The kicking is entertaining as well, as when he winds up for a kick I back-step and continue to do so until he gives up. While it obviously ticks him off that he can never land an attempt, he forgets after a few minutes about the incident and often about what even upset him in the first place.

Interacting with children is great even if most of them have the attention span of a goldfish. Some of them (even 10-12 year-olds) can be quite the little turds, however, it's nothing that is unmanageable. It seems there is often a solution. The type that seem most difficult are the children who have become so used to negative incentive, that nothing seems to phase them. Not even positive incentive. Rewarding good behavior works well in many instances but there are some kids, particularly those whom I can not verbally communicate with, who don't seem to respond to either or. Again, this may be due to the lack of ability to focus and feeling the need to act out. Either way, I still have yet to understand why some children act the way they do.

Yesterday, two darling little 10 year-old boys wrote me Valentines in Andrew's class. He had the whole class participate in the project, and the two boys in the class made me a card. The first one I received through Andrew after his class who he informed me was from Misha-

This one had 26 syllables according to the author. A little off in places, but he got it for the most part. C:

The second one I received through Natasha, our coordinator. She told me she had been sworn to secrecy, as it was from a secret valentine, whom of which I guessed correctly to be Kolya. It reads-

Needless to say, these made my day. I've never had students to crush on me before. They're such sweet boys.

Additionally, I have been progressing on ideas for content and ways to narrate my story over the past few days when I get a spare moment. I think there's a good chance I may actually start writing my story in the near future. Yay! Anyway, there you have it, my adventures of yesterday.

Happiness

In Russia, at least during the winter, everyone has hat hair. Also, having my snot freeze and the hairs bristle inside my nose is one of the strangest phenomenons I have ever experienced. Despite everyday being a hat day and a cold nose, I absolutely love it here.

Over the past few days I have given much thought and reflection to what it means to be happy. Being happy, I've found, is a choice that everyone has the ability to make. Through my own experiences, as well as from observing those around me from 3 year olds to adults, seeking out the good from day to day doesn't come naturally for the majority of people. Being positive is a skill and like every other skill out there it takes practice to master. Forget mastery, ha... it takes practice to even become decent at it, successfully finding even just a few things to be grateful for in the day.

Everyone is fighting a hard battle. Everyday. Each day there is something in all of our lives that makes our experience less preferable than it would have been had that something had not occurred. Sometimes I think it's easy for us to look at someone else's day (or life) and think "man, if only I had it that easy" or "why do they have it so much easier than I do? Why can't I get a break like that?" When we think this, I have found that those people had their own difficulties that day. The difference was that they had made a conscious effort to enjoy the good points and look beyond the difficult ones.

Over time, I have gained a greater understanding of this concept. I am far from perfect at finding ways to be happy rather than complain, however, I am much better than I used to be at it. So while I am not the best out there, I am a good example of one of the many ways this skill can be acquired through practice. Anyone who knew me as a teenager would likely agree with me. There were times where the entire day would be full of fun and laughter that would end in pathetic tears full of misery because one thing had set me off, and I would choose to dwell on it rather than the enjoyable time I had just experienced. Those were sad times, really. It is so much nicer to even end a day and sleep on even a note of indifference as opposed to unhappiness.

Many people talk about morale. It's interesting how feelings both positive and negative can change the overall emotional state of a group. Additionally, I have found that when there is a persistent feeling of negativity being exuded, it can really take a toll on those within the group (or within immediate proximity) and even dampen the morale of the individuals who generally manage to stay upbeat. Angry or upset feelings are leaching- Actually, more than that. I would go as far to say complaining and pessimism are more like viruses. The antithesis of beneficial. Even those who are trying to prevent catching it can contract it unexpectedly.

This virus is something that I have yet to find a cure to. I'm sure many people have discovered methods, but I still have to find an effective way to help those who suffer from whinitis(1) or grumponia(2). So far, my most successful experiment has been to persevere by trying to keep my own positive vibes up and active. While it is successful in many regards, I'm going to keep looking for a more effective method as I'm almost certain there is one out there. In the mean time, I plan to keep finding ways to be happy in my own life, while hopefully brightening someone else's along the way.

Life is good. Don't forget that.

Renaeionary:

(1) Whinitis: A severe case of the whines and complaints. A difficult ailment to please or satisfy.

(2) Grumponia: A case of the grumpies, often develops into Whinitis (see above). Note: Grumponia is easily contracted on days with high stress levels.